I often feel the need to bake cookies or bread of some sort (last year it was usually Vegan Zucchini or Banana Bread or Vegan Peanut Butter Cookies), particularly if I'm avoiding something or trying to distract myself. But I also like to bake when I'm happy. Maybe that just means I like to bake in general. :-) We'll go with that option.

More often than not I have a tendency to enjoy trying to adapt recipes that typically have dairy and eggs in them and make them into Vegan recipes that are edible. I have been Vegetarian since Thanksgiving 2006 (I think that’s what year it was), but ate Vegan most of last summer for various reasons. I have begun eating eggs again, mostly because I can’t afford not to, but continue to avoid dairy products (including butter) as much as possible. Though there are some amazing locally-made goat cheeses that are certainly making me rethink avoiding cheese altogether.

Vegan food has a reputation for tasting like cardboard – or at least it used to. It’s become much more popular and because of that, it’s become tastier in some cases. But I also like adapting recipes to use ingredients that don’t have quite so much sugar or fat, etc. I probably sometimes fool myself into thinking that certain substitutes are healthier, but in reality, they’re most likely only slightly so. But also using more whole ingredients (not just in baking but also cooking in general) – unbleached/unprocessed flours, whole grains, real maple syrup, whole beans, fresh greens, etc.

I have a very proud feeling when I’m able to take a traditional recipe and adapt it into a Vegan recipe that actually tastes good and maybe even better than its traditional cousin. This is one of those recipes. I found this recipe for regular ol’ Snickerdoodles back at the beginning of February and adapted it to the following:

Hillary’s Vegan Cardamom Snickerdoodles

3/4 cup Demerara Sugar (you could probably use any kind of sugar here, but the crunchiness of the Demerara is quite lovely)
1 3/4 cups Unbleached White Flour
1/2 tsp Baking Soda
1/2 tsp Baking Powder (instead of Cream of Tartar)
1/8 tsp Salt
1/8 tsp Powdered Cardamom
1/4 tsp Cinnamon
1 TBSP Flaxseed Meal + 3 TBSP Water (as a substitute for the egg)
1/2 cup Veg Shortening + 2 TBSP Vegan Earth Balance
2 tsp Real Maple Syrup or Agave Nectar

For the sugar/cinnamon mixture that Snickerdoodles are usually rolled in before baking, I used about 3 TBSP Demerara Sugar, 2 tsp Cinnamon and 1 tsp Cardamom.

Mix all dry ingredients in one bowl. Mix all wet ingredients in a separate bowl.
Combine wet and dry ingredients - you may need to add a tiny bit of water to make the consistency correct...it's definitely not as wet as Chocolate Chip Cookie dough - it ought to be slightly drier than that.
Refrigerate for 15 minutes or so while you preheat the oven to 350.
Take a TBSP or so of dough and roll it in a ball, then roll in the sugar/cinnamon/cardamom mixture to coat. I'm usually able to fit about 16 comfortably on a regular-sized cookie sheet.
Bake at 350 for 12 minutes.
Let cool for about a minute and then remove from the cookie sheet to parchment or cooling rack. They turn out slightly crunchy and chewy.

Yields about 3 dozen 2-inch cookies

You also ought to know – I’m a real sucker for Cardamom. I am proud of my Finnish ancestry and have always loved the Pulla (Cardamom Bread) that my Grandma Lucy and my Mamabear usually bake around Christmas. In many cookie, cake or bread recipes lately, I love to throw in some cardamom even if the recipe says nothing of the sort. It’s delicious, folks.

I also gathered some nettles late this afternoon and some thyme and sage and made a little stir-fry of sorts over brown rice and some black beans I cooked a few days ago. Definitely a happy thing for my tummy.

It’s such a helpless feeling, this waiting. There is heaviness in my heart and tears are close to the surface, but I am not overwhelmed. The one thing I am able to do is be there and try to distract or at least keep Gretchen and Erin company. The fact that I don’t really know what else to do leaves me unable to even comprehend what Erin and Gretchen might be feeling at this point.

What I do know – I love my family and though I tell them often, it’s probably still not often enough.

Keeping vigil is a wearying experience, but I think it is important. It’s certainly not something I can explain with words; the bonding that takes place when you have to be strong for someone that cannot be – I speak of Gretchen being strong for Dean and of Erin being strong for Gretchen. And the rest of the family trying to be strong for all three of them. I would be interested in knowing what this experience used to be like before hospitals existed.

As has always been – the little things mean the most seem to find a way to settle themselves under my ribs. The skidding trails of raindrops on the glass in the hospital waiting room. I won't try to explain or figure it out, but I know it causes me to feel something. Playing cards with Grandma Lucy and with Erin and hearing my cousin laugh, even as she goes through such terrible and heartwrenching pain. I will never understand that fragile balance of being able to laugh in the midst of chaos. But I am grateful for it and it is how we all survive.

Selfishly, all I could think about was how I wanted to seek refuge in the greenhouse, where I am safe and everything else falls away. The thought left me with a grateful heart that I have such a place, such a gift in my life.

Pretty full day today, though it didn't involve quite as much planting or bed prep as I had hoped. Got up at 6:30 this morning, though I was tempted to go back to sleep for at least another 30 minutes. My brain just wouldn't let me...funny how it's harder to fall back asleep on the days when I don't have to go to work. Fed and watered chickens and the goat, watered a few seedlings in the greenhouse that seem to dry out faster than the rest. Made myself breakfast (more Buckwheat Pancakes) and delivered some eggs on my way out of town. Met Aunt Jill at her house - Uncle Gene had already left for the hospital - and we went to the Flower Market on Swan Island. It was pretty amazing.

I volunteered to do most of the flowers for two different weddings this summer - despite the fact that I have no experience. Fortunately both of the brides (one a friend and one a relative) are fully aware of this and don't seem to mind. Aunt Jill had previously mentioned that for her job she has a License/Pass to shop at the Flower Market on Swan Island - it's a professional/wholesale thing. She kindly agreed to take me on a field trip to get some ideas and look at different flowers. They had a lot of beautiful flowers - most that I recognized but also quite a few that I didn't - and also a lot of plants and pots. I was pretty stoked about the Terra Cotta pots they had available and the wholesale prices on them. There was also a section with quite a few Succulents and there were two that she bought for me ($.95 each) in the tiniest little 2" pots. They're really pretty cute. I also got to meet Lin and Lisa - two of Aunt Jill's favorite ladies there at FlowerTown.

Headed straight to the hospital after the field trip to check on the gang and find out how Uncle Dean was doing. Evidently nothing has really changed since yesterday. This worries me, but I also know that the human body has ways of dealing with severe trauma as well as healing itself even in the most adverse circumstances. Also dropped my glass juicewaterbottle in the middle of the carpeted hospital hallway. Awesome. Thank you to the amazing hospital staff who didn't make me feel like a complete asshole (I managed that on my own). Erin shared some Lifesavers with me - I think this was the first time that I can remember eating a Lifesaver since I quit my Butter Rum habit in junior high.

Got home about 2:00 and was able to get some work done outside for a few hours. No rain today, which was excellent. Planted about 4 short rows of Nantaise Carrots and marked each end (of a row) with a few beets (bulk seeds from the feed store). I also set up a pretty ramshackle trellis with chicken wire and some posts and then planted some Sugar Snap Peas from Turtle Tree Seeds (purchased at People's Food Co-op).

Not really sure yet what it'll look like when I start planting where the chickens currently are - though I do know they won't be allowed where I'm planting at the time because they'd just tear it all to shit. I'll definitely need to get some more wire for the e-fence since it's almost stretched completely out at this point and I'll only be moving the fence further away from the greenhouse.

For some reason the goat managed to get out of her pen again today. I'm not certain how she did it, though I'm wondering if perhaps she got out inside the barn as opposed to out of the electric fence. Her water bucket was all caddywompus, but I don't know that she could have fit through the opening behind it. Maybe goats are like mouses and can totally flatten themselves out and fit through the most ridiculously small holes.

When I was using the spading fork to loosen up the bed where I planted peas I found some of the Hopin Oca that I planted last year. They seem to have reproduced - at least a little. Most of the new tubers had worm holes in them, though. Little white worms about 1/2 inch long. This made me rather unhappy. It seems there are a number of pests in the garden - voles (as Tel pointed out to me with a reminder that voles make holes and moles make mounds) seem to eat a lot of my tuberous vegetables and bore lots of holes through the garden in general. I do not like this at all. I’m not really sure what to do about it yet.

So there are 17 chickens total – 15 hens and 2 cockerels. Why we still have two roosters I really don’t know…though I guess it might be because one of them is Baby Earth (the chick that hatched on Tel’s b-day a few years ago) and I don’t really know which of them it is. So we keep both. Right now 5 of the hens are outside with the PoultryNet fencing and the Chicken Luxury Box and the other 10 hens and 2 roosters are in the barn coop. For the most part I collect about 8 – 11 eggs every day. Today I collected 13. Crazy chickens. I haven’t figured out yet if the days when they lay more eggs than average are coinciding at all with Oatmeal Day (and the Cayenne Pepper and Garlic powder). Most likely. I really love to pick up worms and grubs as I’m turning over a garden bed or planting something out and throw them to the chickens. I love watching them get excited about it. It’s rather funny to try and throw an earthworm or other grubby little creature 12 feet or so through the air into the chicken pen. They don’t usually weigh much – we’re not talking Giant Palouse worms or anything – so it’s a little difficult to get them going fast enough to fly that far.

Started a few more seeds tonight, too. Some Wild Oregano from Horizon Herbs and some Umpqua Broccoli from Turtle Tree Seeds. As usual, I looked for more new cotyledons and was pleased to find that the second set of Lemon Balm has started germinating as have a few of the Spilanthes seeds (which surprised me mostly since it’s a tropical plant). And the Fenugreek – ha! That is now winning the contest for fastest germination (though not 100% like the Calendula) – I think it was – nope, I guess the Calendula was still faster. Never you mind.

Oh, that’s right, I was going to talk about food. Right now I can smell the black beans (also from Azure Standard) that I put on to cook earlier this evening (after first soaking them most of the morning and afternoon) – I added two pretty big cloves of crushed garlic, 2 tsp of cumin, 3 roughly chopped pickled hot chilis (long skinny variety that I believe are Thai Hot Chilis from FCF), 2 tsp cinnamon, 1 TBSP dried oregano and a dash of salt. Dang, it smells really good.

But the soup...I was pretty hungry and not wanting to labor too much over dinner (since it was already 8:30 when I was getting started), so I pulled out a can of Amy’s Minestrone Soup and threw it into a pot on the stove. I added a bunch of Italian Seasoning, Dried Basil, Beau Monde, fresh black pepper, maybe 1/3 a cup of whole wheat couscous and a few TBSP of ground Flaxseed. Warmed it up enough for the couscous to cook and then added some pickled/marinated peppers (from the Farmgirl Larder) to the top and grabbed a few chunks of bread that I’d dried for bread crumbs. I had a bunch of loose Rosemary leaves the other day after picking some stems for a flower bouquet and decided to throw them in a jar with some olive oil. This has been steeping for a few days and so I drizzled a little of the Rosemary oil over the dried bread and let the bread get a little soggy in the soup. It was really tasty, though. So tasty, in fact, that I was actually having difficulty not eating it while it was still too hot.

Don’t feel bad about pulling a can of soup out of the cupboard instead of whipping up a batch of homemade. But maybe sauté some garlic and onions first and then throw the soup in the pan to heat it up or add some couscous or if it’s something like tomato soup or bisque, try adding a little pasta and cooking it right in the soup. Doctor it up! And don’t forget the most important thing – condiments.

Germination is awesome. Seriously. Awesome. Seriously awesome! (I think “rad” used to be my happy/excited/approving exclamation of choice, but I’ve since moved on to “awesome” – it still sounds pretty childish, but I do kind of feel a sense of childlike wonder and excitement when I use it, so I guess that works out alright).

I never feel like I’ve started enough seeds. It’s just so gosh darn easy to do, I’m not sure why everyone doesn’t do it. I guess most folks actually have foresight and realize that they’ll need a place to put these plants once they’ve grown past the seedling stage. I also think about this, but not until the greenhouse is overflowing with way too many seedlings.

I still have plants in pots left over from 2008 that I couldn’t bear to compost…as it was, I did compost about 30 or 40 seedlings that were either sickly by the time I finally got around to having an idea of where to plant them out (because I was busy worrying about all the others) or just weren’t as hardy as the others to begin with. Richo Cech from Horizon Herbs encouraged me last year (when I mentioned this problem to him in an email) to practice careful selection and only transplant or use the plants that looked the strongest and healthiest. I try my best to do this, but sometimes it’s hard. I feel guilty or bad somehow. Like, shouldn’t every plant get a chance, Scoob? I guess I just don’t want anyone getting left out. Ha. Now I’m talking about plants like they’re people.

Let me fill you in on what’s been going on in the greenhouse. That’s why we’re really here…

I’m still not certain I started my onions from seed early enough. I think in 2010 I’ll shoot for starting them in January. Starting onions from seed intimidates the bejeebers out of me. I mean, probably even more than the thought of trying to grow tomatoes well. They’re still so little when you transplant them out and onion sets are just so much easier. But, I couldn’t find organic onion sets this year from seed companies that weren’t somehow associated with Monsanto or Seminis. Onions from seed are a heckuva lot cheaper anyway.

2/13/09

Prizetaker Leek (Seed Savers 08): 36 cells

Torpedo Red Bottle Onion (Heirlooms Evermore 09): 36 cells

Yellow of Parma Onion (Seed Savers 09): 24 cells

Russian Tarragon (Seed Savers 08): 12 cells

Rue (JLHudson 09): 12 cells

2/20/09

Babbington Leek (Peace Seedlings 09): 26 bulbils

2/21/09

Walking Stick Tree Kale (Peace Seedlings 09): 12 cells

Caraway (Whole Foods Bulk Bin 09): 12 cells

Holy Basil Tulsi (Peace Seedlings 09): 12 cells

Alpine Strawberry (from Morgan 09): 12 cells

Chives (Territorial Seed Co 08): 12 cells

Russian Tarragon: 12 cells

2/25/09

Australian Brown Onion (SSE 09): 24 cells

Prizetaker Leek: 66 cells

Chives: 6 cells (space filler)

2/28/09 – under my watchful eye, a friend did all of the seed-starting on the 28^th

Glaskins Green Rhubarb (Territorial 07): 12 2-inch

Green Globe Artichoke (Territorial 07): 12 2-inch

Cardoon (Territorial 07): 8 2-inch

Derby Day Cabbage (Territorial 07):     12 cells

Kohlrabi (JLHudson 09): 12 cells

Walking Stick Tree Kale: 12 cells

Winningstadt Cabbage (SSE 09): 12 cells

Roodnerf Brussels Sprout (Territorial 07): 12 cells

Blue Camas (Horizon Herbs 07): 12 cells

Lemon Balm (Horizon Herbs 08): 12 cells

Costus (Horizon Herbs 08): 12 cells

3/7/09

Scorzonera (from Morgan 08): 4 wide cells

Elecampane (JLH 09): 8 wide cells

Bee Balm (SSE 08): 4 wide cells

Spanish Eyes Lavender (Territorial 07): 4 wide cells

Catnip (Terr 07): 4 wide cells

German/Winter Thyme (Terr 08): 4 wide cells

Hyssop (SSE 08): 4 wide cells

Valerian (Terr 08): 4 wide cells

Wormwood (SSE 07):  4 wide cells

Official Angelica (HH 07): 4 wide cells

Boneset (HH 08): 4 wide cells

3/13/09

Sunchokes/Jerusalem Artichokes (People’s 09): 14 tubers direct

Skorospelka Sunchokes (from 08 crop): 12 tubers direct

Asparagus (from Morgan 08): 12 cells

Purple Passion Asparagus (Terr 07): 9 cells

January King Cabbage (Terr 06): 24 cells

Champion Collards (Terr 08):   12 cells

Di Cicco Broccoli (Botanical Interest 07): 12 cells

Roodnerf Brussels Sprouts: 12 cells

Chives: 15 cells

Good King Henry (SSE Yearbook 08): 6 cells

Lavender Bergamot (HH 08):   6 cells

Mixed Calendula (HH 08): 12 cells

Bilberry (HH 08): 6 cells

Earth Chestnut (Sourcepoint 08): 6 cells

Gipsywort (HH 08): 4 wide cells

Lemon Balm: 8 wide cells

Madder (HH 08): 4 wide cells

Indian Ricegrass (Sourcepoint 08): 4 wide cells

Elecampane: 4 wide cells

3/17/09

Giant Solomon’s Seal (HH 09): 7 1# pots, x3 each

False Unicorn (HH 09): 4 wide cells

Costmary (HH 09): 4 wide cells

Uva-Ursi (HH 09): 4 wide cells

Official Spilanthes (HH 09): 4 wide cells

Common Mugwort (HH 09): 8 wide cells

Shining Angelica (HH 09): 8 wide cells

Turkey Rhubarb rubrus (HH 09): 8 wide cells

Fenugreek (HH 09): 4 wide cells

Hyssop (saved seed): 4 wide cells

Bee Balm (saved seed): 4 wide cells

Wow, that was a long, plant-nerdy list.

I didn’t get around to mentioning what’s actually germinated so far, but I think Calendula may be the winner at this point for shortest germination – planted on the 13^th and came up today, the 19^th.

Thanks for all your assistance and patience, Reverend.

But...

So it goes when you meet extended family again for what is more than likely the 7^th or 8^th time in your life. Not remembering their name doesn’t mean you don’t care, it just means you don’t necessarily see them very often. As in less than once a year. And I’m bad with names to begin with. I get so excited to find out someone’s name and I always make a point of introducing myself to new people and asking their name and because I get so excited about it I pretty much also immediately forget what they’ve said to me.

The importance of a name.

I have read several books that mention the importance of a name, and one in particular that centers mainly around the naming of another and the power that it brings. Digression number one for this evening…

Today was a good day. It wasn’t all happy or all smiles, but it was just good. My Great Uncle Billy Heesacker passed away toward the end of 2008. I have mentioned him before. I did not know him well. But what I did know of him, I absolutely adored and treasured. To be quite honest, he’s right up there with Grandpa Les and Dennis Werth status in my mind. I knew Uncle Billy as an onion farmer and a gentle giant. But as it turns out (and by this I am not surprised), he was much more to so many people.

Today was his memorial service at an unassuming little Senior Center in the town of Forest Grove, Oregon. Weather and far-away family members prevented the service from happening when he passed away, so it was rescheduled for today. Some faces I recognized – we had a Hummels family reunion just last summer, shortly before Uncle Billy passed away – and some faces I’d probably never actually seen before. I am grateful for the few minutes I got to spend talking with Uncle Billy back in July.

Today I found out that Uncle Billy was also married for 64 years to his wife Madeline (one of my Grandpa Les’s sisters), owned a slaughterhouse, was a logger, a forester, a hard-working sonofagun, a man of integrity and honesty, a man with impeccable timing in jokes, an ecologist, a lover of the outdoors, a man who was proud of his loved ones, a man who was willing to be open about his grief, strong, loved ridiculously bumpy gravel roads, loved to “go for a drive”, loved his family unfailingly and he was adored by his grandchildren and great grandchildren. He was adored by everyone who knew and loved him. I was able to meet one of Uncle Billy’s granddaughters today. And though I do believe I’ve met her before, I don’t think I will forget her again. She and her husband Cavin live in Minnesota where both of them work for the Forest Service. In remembrance of Uncle Billy, they brought Douglas Fir seedlings for everyone to take home and plant. And along with instructions on how to properly find a new home for the tree, April chose this poem to be printed:

The Peace of Wild Things by Wendell Berry

When despair for the world grows in me and I wake in the night at the least sound in fear of what my life and my children’s lives may be, I go and lie down where the wood drake rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds. I come into the peace of wild things who do not tax their lives with forethought of grief. I come into the presence of still water. And I feel above me the day blind stars waiting with their light. For a time I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.

You are already missed, Great Uncle Billy. I will not only remember you every year when I start my onion seeds and every time I unwrap the crinkly gift of an onion in the kitchen, I think I will also find you in the still, quiet places of this world.

For crying out loud, eat onions!

With the Poultry fencing set up and energized, three of the red hens were still managing to escape as of a few days ago. I wasn’t sure how they were managing it, with the fence being hot, but I assumed it had something to do with their ability to fly – at least a bit. Tel had mentioned clipping their wings and my immediate reaction was, “No!” because I assumed it had to do with removing part of their actual wing, when in reality it only involves giving them a “haircut”. So, with Tel holding one at a time, I spread each wing out (also one at a time) and used some sharp scissors to trim the ten “flight” feathers of each wing. I still didn’t much care for it, because the poor chickens were wondering why they had to get haircuts, involuntarily.

Afterward Tel read that you can just do one wing and it should serve just as well, but I read something (beforehand) that said the opposite, so we went with both wings (or rather, twenty feathers) for all five red hens. And so far it’s worked. It’s been a few days and not a one has flown over the fence. They’re all staying put in their free-ranging space and doing a terrific job of tearing it up! I am delighted.

Though, yesterday was a bit traumatic for about 30 minutes. I’ve been sick now for about two weeks (as of tomorrow it will be the beginning of the third week – which all makes me wonder if it’s allergies because I seem to recall similar issues last year about this time) and so energy has been a bit low and in general, just not feeling up to par. Though I’m just so tired of being sick that I have a tendency to overdo things even though I’m still not feeling 100%. Yesterday, Tel thought it might be a good idea to let Baby hang out with the chickens in their new home – to eat some of the taller grass that the chickens certainly wouldn’t want to eat or scratch at. I thought that sounded fine, too, so he led her in there and closed the (rather slapshod) gate (that I put together). I thought I’d hang out for a little while with the chickens and Baby and see what they all were getting up to. So I took my milk crate and sat inside the fence with them for a bit. While I was there, Baby was treading all over some of my perennials that have just started coming back and was also getting into the chicken food, so I thought she’d been there long enough and was going to lead her back into the barn. Well, leading her back to the barn when she has no collar or any kind of lead on is not an easy task. In fact, I’m not sure I’ve ever done it. I thought perhaps I could uproot some Brussels sprouts and lure her with those, but that wasn’t working. I foolishly tried to snag her by the ear and get hold of her that way, but that was definitely not a good idea because it only served to encourage her to get as far away from me as possible. At one point she started trying to run past me and toward the busy highway and I absolutely panicked and tried one last time to grab onto her with my whole body. But, she is a goat and though they are only the size of a large dog, they are damn strong animals. Unfortunately at the time I also had my camera out and around my body, resting on my back. Well, Baby took me down and ran right on by, even closer to the road. And if I had any shred of reasonable thought left in me, it was gone at that point. I was sure the goat was moments away from being run over and I was sure my camera was smashed in a thousand pieces. I had my cell phone in my pocket and called the house (which was visible to me, only 300 yards away) and trying to speak clearly through my sobbing, asked my Grandma to wake my brother up from his nap and “come outside right now!” He came outside and I was unable to clearly tell him what had happened because I was still so upset. Later on, he told me that at the time I was so upset he was sure there were chickens that had gotten out and were bloody in the road or something of that nature. After my brother came to my rescue and my panic subsided a bit, it still took Tel another 25 minutes or so to catch the goat and put her back in the barn. And miraculously my camera’s only (visible) injury was a giant scratch on the frame of the lens filter; even though I was sure I heard it hit the asphalt hard (along with my left hip and hand). It’s been a very long time since I’ve had reason to be that concerned for a creature’s well-being and it felt extremely awful.

Even thinking about it more than 24 hours later, I feel sick to my stomach. I am grateful my brother was here. And I am grateful that Baby was not hurt, and that she didn’t get into the road and possibly cause harm to someone driving. I sometimes wish there were a giant fence around the whole property, but I know how ridiculous that would be and I don’t particularly care for those kinds of fences.

New rule: Baby is not allowed out of the barn/electric fence without a collar and/or leash. Maybe someday things will be different and we’ll have hedges that will protect her from the road and from getting onto other folks’ property, but for now, this will have to do.

In the meantime, Tel came up with a great plan for part of the new “portable coop” that we’ll have inside the Poultry fencing. We need nesting boxes and a place for the chickens to roost when they’re within the electric fence instead of the barn coop. I’m not entirely convinced that they’re practically perfect in every way, but I think they’ll work pretty well. And if they fail as chicken housing, with some slight modifications they’ll make great cold frames for plants. :-)

As Tel says, “Eyeballs; the only way to build.”

We don’t need no stinking precision!