Sunday, May 03, 2009
Missing another
Another beautiful friend has left us.
We miss you Brownie Criner. We miss you so much that it hurts somewhere in our chest and leaves us without the ability to function. But we got to celebrate you yesterday and that was special. It made me a little bit angry that more people didn't show up to acknowledge all that you've done for so very many people. But yesterday was not for anger. It was for grieving in whatever way we needed to. And we did. How fitting that even after you've gone you were able to bring people together to support and encourage one another. We are all worried about Bob. What will he do without you? I know that you're no longer worried about him -- or at least that's what everyone said yesterday. But he looks so small and completely lost without you. And that makes sense, because you were a woman who was bigger than a single room could handle. Your love for the people around you was sometimes incomprehensible. The grace you extended each and every day to the lives you touched.
Thank you for letting me sing to you one last time, Brownie. Suzi and my Mom say that it meant a lot to you, but so very selfishly it actually meant everything to me. I was so disappointed and wrecked that I never saw you before you left. But that phone call and hearing your voice, even though you sounded so far away, it makes it easier to remember. To find out from Bobert yesterday that "How Great Thou Art" was actually sung at your wedding made everything fit together, but it also brought more salt from my eyes.
It's making me tired -- weary; all of this loss.
I speak (or type) often of the empty sadness and the frustration and discouragement that's been affecting me of late. This is part of my coping and healing. I will be ok, but it feels better when there's a way to get it out, even if it's in a blog that no more than a few people read. But I also appreciate all of the people that care about me asking if I'm ok. So don't think that this means you can't ask anymore. Because that means everything.
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